[Java] Investigate dependency on Netty internals in arrow-memory-netty

### Describe the enhancement requested

See discussion in apache/arrow#36211.

Ideally we'd be able to remove the usage of internals, or at least make it so that they're optional (e.g. if we could implement two versions of InnerAllocator and pick the one that works at runtime).

### Component(s)

Java

从 arrow-memory-netty 组件开始，阅读 apache/arrow#36211 中的讨论。跟踪其对 Netty 内部实现的依赖，并确定是否可以在运行时移除该用法或将其设为可选。当依赖被移除或建立了约定的可选实现时，即视为完成。

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