[Java] Request for enhancements to BufferAllocator.close()

We are using Arrow in a production environment and running into some issues with memory allocation. Specifically, we would like to be able to call `BufferAllocator.close()` and have that clean up the allocated memory even if there are existing data objects using it, rather than the method throwing an exception upon seeing that the allocator is still in use. Are there any plans to add support for releasing memory on demand? 

**Reporter**: [Talia Trilling](https://issues.apache.org/jira/browse/ARROW-14328)

_{**Note**: *This issue was originally created as [ARROW-14328](https://issues.apache.org/jira/browse/ARROW-14328). Please see the [migration documentation](https://github.com/apache/arrow/issues/14542) for further details.*}

Start with the BufferAllocator.close() API and trace how it handles allocated memory when data objects are still using the allocator. Clarify the intended ownership and lifecycle behavior before identifying implementation and test locations; done means the agreed close behavior is implemented and verified for outstanding objects.

Written by the indexing model from the issue text.