[Java] Build memory-netty as a JPMS module

### Describe the enhancement requested
This depends on apache/arrow#38998.

Build memory-netty as a JPMS module.

This change requires patching Netty's public module since we add classes to exposed packages and call package-private functions.

This requires users to add a patch-module command to their java invocation. It is somewhat inconvenient because it needs to reference one of our delivered JAR filenames (which vary by location and version)

### Component(s)

Java