Netty 4.1.87 to 4.1.94 regressed memory usage

#10401 is fixed, but we're [seeing ~1.8x increased memory usage](https://grafana-dot-grpc-testing.appspot.com/d/Qb8s8b6nz/psm-dataplane-performance-on-gke-atupstream-master?orgId=1&from=1686810052419&to=1689961252419) by a benchmark that compares proxyless with Envoy (look at Memory_java).

The only interesting thing when it increased was the Netty upgrade. However, it didn't recover when we downgraded to 4.1.93.Final.

We don't yet have a theory on how proxyless was impacted but not grpc+Envoy.