Windows builds are a disaster

I've done this before a year ago, figured out the magic incantation to get Windows builds working. I'm trying to do it again (lost access to that wiki page), and I'm struggling, again. Bazel is a garbage system. I'm having to hack the python_configure.bzl to get it to recognize that Python.exe is actually an executable. PLEASE somebody actually start with a fresh Windows VM and outline the proper steps. So frustrating.