Implement memory management in shuffle writer

**Is your feature request related to a problem or challenge? Please describe what you are trying to do.**
There is no memory management in shuffle writer

**Describe the solution you'd like**

Blaze implements file-based shuffle with memory management in https://github.com/blaze-init/blaze/blob/master/native-engine/datafusion-ext/src/shuffle_writer_exec.rs

Perhaps we can learn from that?

**Describe alternatives you've considered**
A clear and concise description of any alternative solutions or features you've considered.

**Additional context**
See discussion in https://github.com/apache/arrow-datafusion/pull/3493#issuecomment-1247587017